Trust - Teil Drei

Well, here starts week three of my scripture chain. Something I noticed last week was a distinct change in the tone of the scriptures. Up until now, I have been reading in the Old Testament, where most of the scriptures were about not trusting in the right things: money, idols, etc. Well, my last one last week was in Mathew, and the tone changed dramatically. It talked about how Christ trusted the Lord. In fact, he trusted him so much that he was mocked for it and would eventually be killed. Did he want those things to happen? No. But he trusted the Lord, no matter what happened.

Let's see where this week takes us.

Mark 10:24 - And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!

I think this goes along with the love of riches scripture. It could easily be construed that riches are evil, but that is not what it is saying. It is saying that trust in riches is a stumbling block. Having riches is not bad, but when that is where our trust is placed, we need to reevaluate some things pretty quickly.

Luke16:11 - If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?

It looks to me like God does not automatically trust us.  We also have to earn that. We have to show that we can be faithful with the small, low-valued things, before he will trust us with that which is big. As such, I need to prove myself in whatever he trusts to me. If I don't I will not get greater things, greater knowledge. On the other hand, if I am faithful, it shows the Lord that his gifts are important to me and that I am worthy of yet greater things.

2 Corinthians 1:9-10 - But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead: Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

I have a sentence of death in me: spiritual death. I have proved time and time again that I am not strong enough to keep myself away. God can raise me from that death, but not if I am trusting in myself, instead of in him.  As I trust in him, he will deliver me from my sins, from my addictions, but it does require that trust in Him, and only in him.

I find myself wondering if I only trust in him to overcome my addiction, or if I am still trusting in myself to an extent. It would seem silly to do so, with how many times I have proven to myself that I am untrustworthy. Yet, maybe I still do it. If so, I need to stop.

I do trust myself on the weekends, because I assume there will be less temptation. I let my scripture study and recovery slip, because I don't want to get up early on those days. As such, I am letting myself get further from my God. I also think it something like swimming against the tide, or climbing an eternally long escalator. When I stop for those two days, I am being carried away from my goal. As such, when I start up again Monday morning (or Tuesday), I have to make up the ground I lost. So, I am not just further from my God for those two days, but for the week in general. So, ensuring I don't miss any days can be very helpful in my recovery, so I am not continually trying to make up lost ground.

1 Thessalonians 2:4 - But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.

Today seems to be about the Lord trusting me. If I want God to trust me, I have to step outside of my comfort zone. I have to do what God wants me to do, not what I want to do. This tries my heart, or in other words this is difficult. It can be embarrassing, uncomfortable or just plain difficult. Whatever the case, he is the one I need to trust in. Trusting in him brings my greatest happiness, as well as my greatest progress. And, as I trust in him, and prove myself worthy, he trusts in me more. It's the circle of trust (and it moves us all...), where trust, and proving that said trust is well placed, begets more trust.

1 Timothy 1:11 - According to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which was committed to my trust.

As I prove myself, the gospel, or the good word, is entrusted to me. I think that has two sides: I am given greater knowledge, but am also given greater responsibility to live and share that same knowledge with others. Part of gaining the knowledge about the gospel, and gospel principles, is learning the ever important principles of recovery. The PASG (as well as any LDS Addiction Recovery Program) is based on eternal gospel principles; principles that are needed to overcome compulsive, addictive behaviors. In order to stay in recovery, I need to learn, understand and apply these principles in my daily life. As I do that, my weaknesses will be made strong. If I forget them, if I don't use them, that strengthening can be reversed. If I let that happen, if I stop learning and applying the gospel principles in my life and recovery, I lose the Lord's trust. In the end, I lose.

D&C 12:8 - And no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care.

I need to be temperate in everything that is entrusted to my care.  Temperate is moderation, or non-excessive. I often think of that as a warning against my tendency to obsess. I cannot obsess over things that I am blessed with, or that I am put in charge of. Instead, I need to ensure I put some effort toward them, but pay attention to other priorities as well. Temperance ensures that I get then things I need to accomplished, but also have some fun. It means I get the temporal things I need/want, but also make time for the gospel in my life.

I think one thing that will help with temperance is ensuring I do my study time on the weekends. That way I am not just abandoning spiritual nourishment during that time. I am still finding time for the Lord and his desires for me.

D&C 124:113 - And when he shall prove himself faithful in all things that shall be entrusted unto his care, yea, even a few things, he shall be made ruler over many;

Again, the circle of trust. As I prove that I am trustworthy in minor things,  the Lord's trust in me grows. He then gives me responsibility over greater things. The reverse is true too. As I do what I am asked to do, the Lord blesses me. Those blessings engender trust, which makes me want to listen to, or trust, him more fully, which then leads to more blessings. This life is about furthering that trust, on both sides of the equation.

Trust - The Search Continues

Well, my scripture chain/search continues. If you don't know what I am talking about you can go here. Let's dive in.

Isaiah 47:10 - For thou hast trusted in thy wickedness: thou hast said, None seeth me. Thy wisdom and thy knowledge, it hath perverted thee; and thou hast said in thine heart, I am, and none else beside me.

Interesting, here they have trusted in wickedness and it has given them a false sense of security. Because of where their trust is placed, they think nobody can see their wicked actions. It makes me think of the Gadianton Robbers, where they placed their trust in each other (to an extent) and in their oaths and covenants (to a greater extent). Putting my trust in this of Satan's will lead to my destruction, whether sooner or later. Instead, I need to trust in  or rely on, the Lord for strength.

Jeremiah 7:8 - Behold, ye trust in lying words, that cannot profit.

Sadly, I have been there. It may seem counter-intuitive to trust in lies, but I have done it. I knew that my addiction was not bringing me happiness, but yet I chose to pursue it anyway. I chose to find my relief there. Because of those choices, I have also been the one to lie. This makes it hard for my wife to trust me. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice? Well, I have definitely burned her more than twice. Thus, she has a hard time just saying the words and automagically trusting me again. It is something we are working toward and we are making progress, but it is a long road.

Heavenly Father, on the other hand, is trustworthy. 100%. This makes it easier to trust him. The hard part is having he faith and knowledge to be able to trust him. I think that I am making progress in that area.

Jeremiah 9:4 - Take ye heed every one of his neighbour, and trust ye not in any brother: for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbour will walk with slanders.

Here the Lord is counseling against trusting those that are untrustworthy. He goes on to name untrustworthy things they are going to do, which is why they are unworthy of trust. I have done untrustworthy things, which is my my wife is having a hard time trusting me. She has also bee given counsel not to trust me, at least when I am slipping into addict mode. At that point, I am unworthy of  her trust, or anybody else's for that matter.

God does not fall into the category of untrustworthy. Ever. He is the same at all times and continually keeps his end of whatever bargain he has agreed to. He also never agrees just to appease somebody, if he knows he cannot do it. He never says things just to make people feel good. He says them because they are true, or he doesn't say it at all.

Matthew 27:43 - He trusted in God; let him deliver him now, if he will have him: for he said, I am the Son of God.

In this scripture, Christ is getting mocked for trusting in God. I think that is one of the ways Satan tries to get us not to. He gets our fellow man to mock us, to tell us we are crazy for trusting in (or even believing in) God. That makes us feel like we cannot do so openly. Within the LDS culture, this doesn't happen, at least no openly. Although, I do think it is more acceptable to belittle ourselves and our faith. I do it too. I think it is mistaken for humility. Maybe that is just my perspective though.

As far as trusting God goes, Christ is the best possible example. He trusted in God, no matter what. In fact, even to the point where he gave up his life for him. I hope that is not required of me, but it is a lesson as well. Trusting in God will not always get me what I think it will. I think trust in general works that way. In order to trust, I think we need to assume that person has our best interests at heart. That doesn't mean they will always do what I want them to, but they will do what I need them to.

My wife is a pretty good example of this. As I go through recovery, she does not always do what I want her to do, but what she does is because she wants the best for me. As a parent, I try to do the same. I try to make my decisions based on what is best for my child, not what they always want (or don't want). Unlike the Lord, I am not perfect at this, but I try. That desire, that motivation, is key in the trust. Although my wife, or I, may make mistakes, where our heart is in the matter can make those more or less acceptable. It can cause them to have more or less of an effect on the amount of trust present in the relationship.

Trust - The Search

So, here is the premise. My therapist, who is also LDS, has given me the homework of doing a scripture chain on trust. I talked about not knowing whether I was ready to move on to step 4 or not. She said that maybe I just don't understand what trust really is, so maybe a deeper understanding would help. So, in order to increase that understanding, I am to look up Trust in both the Index and the Topical Guide. I am also supposed to follow any foot notes. As I go through, I need to write down my thoughts and feelings. Sounds easy enough. Let's get to it.

Psalms 49:6 - They that trust in their wealth, and boast themselves in the multitude of their riches;

So this is speaking of men that trust in the arm of flesh. It goes on to speak of them being unable to redeem their brethren, their fellow men. Money can be good, if used correctly, but it does not bring ultimate peace or security. It can disappear so quickly and for a multiplicity of reasons. Thus, I am short-sighted if I am putting my trust in monetary things. It can bring some peace of mind, but peace of mind and trust are not the same. Trust is something deeper.

Psalms 52:7 - Lo, this is the man that made not God his strength; but trusted in the abundance of his riches, and strengthened himself in his wickedness.

Here it seems to be equating strength and trust. Trust does give strength, because it increases our abilities. For example, if I were moving a piano and had three other guys helping, they lend strength to me, but I have to be able to trust them to hold up their portion of the weight. Otherwise, I am going to continue to fight to do more than my share. Also, in combat, if I do not trust my fellow soldiers, then I spend extra time trying to watch my own back, thus lessening my effectiveness and expending extra effort just to keep status quo. If I trust in God, he keeps me covered.

On the other hand, if I trust in something I shouldn't (riches in this case), I leave myself vulnerable, because I think my back is covered, when it really isn't. That is the danger I face by placing my trust in something that is not deserving of it. So, as I go forward, I need to ensure that I am placing my trust in something that is truly deserving (God), so that I am strengthened. If I place my trust in the wrong thing, not only am I not strengthened, but I am actually made weaker because of it.

Proverbs 11:28 - He that trusteth in his riches shall fall: but the righteous shall flourish as a branch.

Again, with the trusting in riches. So, a righteous man does not trust in his riches and so he flourishes.

Proverbs 31:11 - The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

This is talking of trusting in a wife, rather than in the Lord. I don't think it tells me much about trust though. Trust well placed leads to safety, which is where my wife is having such a hard time. My trust has been well placed. She has honored it, so I am a rich man. Now, I, on the other hand, have not honored her trust. I have broken it. Many times. No wonder she struggles with trusting me. This scripture is referencing a virtuous woman, who is worth so much. It is true. I would like to think that a virtuous man is as well, but I have been unable to prove it so far. Maybe as time goes by.

Isaiah 14:32 - What shall one then answer the messengers of the nation? That the Lord hath founded Zion, and the poor of his people shall trust in it.

The poor will trust in Zion. I think poor can reference those who are temporally poor, as well as those that are poor in spirit. The being poor in spirit is what causes them to trust in Zion.

Elder Richard G. Scott - The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience.

This stuck out as my wife and I studied in Healing Through Christ last night. If I trust in God, I will willingly allow Him to lead me. That is part of trust. I can let myself be vulnerable, because I know He will not take advantage of that. He will only do what is best for me, because He loves me. I get some pretty good promises for allowing Him to lead me. Now, I just have to be willing to do it.

Isaiah 42:17 - They shall be turned back, they shall be greatly ashamed, that trust in graven images, that say to the molten images, Ye are our gods.

If I put my trust in other things, I will be ashamed. I don't want to be ashamed. Putting that trust in graven images can be all kinds of things: Internet Filters, Movie Ratings, Google Safe Search, other people, me. Those can be tools, but they cannot be what I put my trust in. If I expect them to save me in the end, I will be sorely disappointed and ultimately ashamed. I need to put my trust in the Lord. He needs to be my first line of defense, as well as my last. Prayer should be my first recourse when I am struggling and should be turned to continually thereafter. I just need to get that ingrained as my new habit.

Focus on His Will

When we took step 3, we faced the truth that recovery was far more the result of the Lord’s efforts than our own. He worked the miracle when we invited Him into our lives. Step 3 was a decision to allow God to recover and redeem us. It was a decision to allow Him to direct our lives, remembering, of course, that He always respects our agency. Thus, we decided to put our lives in His hands by continuing to follow this spiritually focused program of recovery. -LDS Addiction Recovery Program, Step 3: Trust in God-

I think this is where I am stuck. I was talking with my wife last night, about a couple of things coming up that will probably be difficult for me: a three day trip she is going on and a week long business trip I have scheduled. She asked me what I was going to do about it and I wasn't sure. I thought of something to do with my time, a book I could read, but don't feel like that is the best answer. Don't get me wrong. I think it is good to have a plan of something I can fall back on, instead of ending up saying: Watcha wanna do? I don't know, whatcha wanna do? But I also don't feel like it is the answer.

I need to get to the point where it is not dependent on my effort, but on the Lord's. My effort needs to be focused on accepting the Lord's will in my life. It needs to be in turning my will over to him, thus allowing him to show me what I need to be doing. Until that point, it will continue to be a question of what I am going to do with my time, so that Satan doesn't have the added opportunity to tempt me.

So, how do I go about turning my will over? I have often thought that I am not willing to quite give up my will to the Lord. I like the idea of it, but I also like doing what I want to do. Especially when what I want to do is not in opposition to his will. What I mean by that is that I don't like viewing pornography, however it may look from the outside. The feelings that are there during as well as after make it far less than worth the small high brought about. However, there are many other things I like to do, hobbies I have, that I do enjoy and are not associated with the same negative reactions. They are not innately wrong. Thus, the idea that I might have to give those up, if I truly submit my will to the Lord, is not promising. As I said, they are not evil things, so I may not have to give them up, but the idea that I might is less than enjoyable.

In the ARP manual, just before my previous quote, President Boyd K. Packer is quoted as saying: Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him— without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more” (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec. 7, 1971], 4).

The last part about possessing our will all the more is what I look forward to. By handing my will over to the Lord, He can help me overcome my addiction, which is taking my will away. That is what I want. I want to be able to practice my will, not have the addiction overrule me. I just have to be willing to submit my will first, which I am not finding easy.

So, what do I do about this weekend (and the business trip in the long run)? I still think the contingency plan is important. I also think that I need to do all I can to turn my will over to the Lord. That means I need to listen for his will, so I can follow it. Looking back, there was almost a three week gap, when I didn't write here. I know he wants me to work my own recovery. That is important. So, I need to get back in the habit of focusing on that.

I also need to come up with some other ways to look to his will periodically throughout the day. In the long run, I hope to get that constant prayer in my heart, which will keep me focused on him, but I need to take baby steps in the mean time. I am going to set myself an hourly timer, which can be a prompt to say a prayer, or read a scripture, or do something else that will help me focus on my Father's will. An hour seems like a long time, but I need to start somewhere.

~Sean~

Communing With God

[Jesus] kneeled down, and prayed, saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. -Luke 22:41–42-

In this prayer, the Savior demonstrated His willing- ness to submit to the Father. He expressed His desires but then humbly did the will of His Father. Consider the blessing of being able to tell God your feelings. How does knowing that He understands your reluctance, your pain, or whatever you feel help you say, “Thy will be done,” and mean it?
Knowing that he understands makes it much easier to confide in him. It makes me feel safer, because he knows the truth of the matter. Both my side and the other. It also means I cannot pull the wool over his eyes, which is okay. It is so liberating to tell the truth and not try to decide how much to tell and how to spin it.

When I know he understands me, it is easier to turn my will over to his. If I felt like he misunderstood me, or didn't care about me, it would be very difficult to want to confide in him. Like anything else though, it is something I have to practice. The more I practice, the better I get at it. If I get out of the practice, it is hard. There have been times in my life when I was much more willing to turn my will over to his, because I did it more often and found out that he watched out for me. I need to get further into that habit again and knowing that he understands can help me take that step.

Becoming As a Child

The natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. -Mosiah 3:19-

Many of us experienced unloving treatment from parents or guardians, and becoming “as a child” is challenging, maybe even terrifying. If you have unresolved problems with a parent, what can you do to separate your feelings about your parent from your feelings about God?
The biggest difficulty I have with my parents is feeling like they were/are disappointed in me. I feel like they are disappointed with some of the things I have chosen to spend time and energy on. Those feelings of disappointment make me hesitant to share. They invoke shame. Because of that, I often feel like my Father in Heaven is disappointed in me and the mistakes I have made. That can make it more difficult to go to Him in times of need.

I think I need to remember that although my Heavenly Father is similar to my earthly parents in some respects, but in others he is not. He loves me and wants the best for me, just like I do for my children. He strives to help me in times of need. However, unlike my parents (or me), he is perfect. He doesn't get caught up in unrighteous dominion, nor is He seeking to make me do what He wants me to. He simply wants me to be happy. As happy as I possibly can. As such, He is guiding me in what I need to do to accomplish that. When I fail to do what He commands, He is sad, because He knows that I will not be as happy as I would otherwise be. It is important to remember the limitations of my parents because of their imperfect and mortal state and not ascribe those same limitations to my Heavenly Father.

Although you may have problems to resolve with your earthly parents, you can have confidence in Heavenly Father and the Savior as perfect fathers. Why can you trust Heavenly Father and the Savior as you submit your life to Them?
They love me with a perfect love and all they want is for me to be happy. They have no other design and have done everything they can to facilitate that for me. They are not seeking for self-fulfillment through me. They are also infinitely patient, so they are willing to wait for me to make the changes. They understand if I slip-up or move slowly as I seek to make those changes. They will forgive and let me try again, no matter how many times I have to do so. They are perfect.