The Choice to Begin Recovery

I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive. -Alma 7:23-

Step 3 is a choice. Recovery happens by God’s power, but only after you choose to seek His help. Your decision opens the channels for His power to flow into your life. Consider how humility, patience, gentleness, and so on are all choices. The last quality listed in the scripture is gratitude. How does gratitude help you be humble?
Gratitude is about recognizing that I cannot do it all myself. I must know that God steps in and helps and then acknowledging that help. As I recognize where and when he helps me, it shows me this presence and the love associated with it. I always think of the story (don't remember it very well), where the guy is praying for help because he is in grave danger. A wind, or similar comes along and sets things right, at which point he says, "Never mind, I took care of it myself." I am often that way. I ask for things, but do not recognize them for the blessings they are when they do come. However, with practice I will get better. This gratitude naturally fosters humility, because we come so see and be thankful for all God does in our lives.

What other qualities did Alma include in this list?
Humility, submissiveness, gentleness, ease of entreating, patience and long-suffering, temperance, diligence, willingness to ask, as well as the gratitude. That is a lot of different things.

Which of these qualities do you lack?
Humility, submissiveness, gentleness, long-suffering, temperance, willingness to ask. I think I only hit a couple. I know I am lacking the temperance. I tend to jump into things with two feet and forget everything else in the process. I am not willing to ask, at least not until things get really bad. I did not put patience down, although I have some, it could also use some work. I also need to work on the gentleness. I think I sometimes associate gentleness with weakness. Not always, but sometimes.

Which ones can you work on today? What can you do now to start?
I can work on gentleness and temperance. For gentleness, I can seek to connect with the children more, when they are having a rough time. I can seek to be empathetic with them, instead of hoping they will buck up. I think of last night, we my youngest bonked his head. He looked at me and I motioned him to come. He swallowed the tears and turned back to the show he was watching and continued to rub his head. That initial look was heart-broken though. On the one side, I am glad he was able to console himself, but I hope that doesn't mean he is already turning into me by swallowing his emotions.

Temperance can come when I limit how much time I devote to any one passion and make sure I take some time to incorporate others. For instance, writing in this blog helps me to focus outside myself and what I am obsessed with. Working on my wife's Christmas present helps with that to. If I seek to get outside of myself and what I am currently focusing on, it can help me have better temperance in all things. It can help me be more well-rounded.

Humbling Yourself Before God

He did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him. -Mosiah 29:20

What keeps you from crying mightily to God for deliverance according to His will?
I think a part of me wonders if he will. Am I really worth the effort to him? I'm not sure thought, because those feelings are not very strong. Only if I really think about it. Does that mean I am fabricating them? I don't know.

I do think that I am not ready to ask, because I have not yet done all that I can do. If I had done everything within my power, then I think I would feel better about asking, because then I would better deserve it. I would have put in my time, so I would be more worthy of the blessing. I would have better showed him that I really mean it, so he would be more likely to bless me accordingly.

This may actually be a flaw in our culture. Whether "our" means American or LDS, I am not sure, but in the society I live in self-sufficiency is a very highly valued attribute. As such, I strive very hard to be able to accomplish the things I need to without outside support. For instance, yesterday the whole family was home sick. My wife called the Primary President to let her know that she would not be there. The loving president asked if they could bring us some Chicken Noodle Soup. Now, in fairness, they are our neighbors and the husband happens to be our home teacher, but that does not in any way belittle their offer. My wife got off the phone and told me that they would be bringing over food. It wasn't until that night that she told me that it had been "kind of hard" to accept the offer. Her first inclination was to just turn the offer down. To her credit, she did not (and the meal was amazing, by the way).

I think that trait in our society, the self-sufficiency, is a great thing. If we cannot help ourselves and pull our own weight, how are we supposed to help others? On the other hand, I think it is often overvalued to the point of nobody being willing to ask for assistance, even when they really need it. Pride is definitely a part of that, but I think the societal norm adds to the stigma of asking for help. Maybe if I get over the pride, the other half won't be as bad either.

What has kept you from seeking this kind of deliverance in the past?
Pride. Pride has definitely kept me from asking for help I need, both within the addiction and without. In the example I just named, I think I would have just politely said no. I also have a hard time really asking for help from the Lord. Let me rephrase that. I ask for help, but not deliverance. The request, should I think to make it, is usually along the lines of, "Please help me to overcome this." I do not pray for deliverance, rather ask for help in overcoming it myself.

It reminds me of Nephi. I must give credit where it is due though, my trainer on my mission pointed this out to me, but it is sure great. Nephi and his brothers have gone back to Jerusalem to procure wives (no complaining about going back that time) and are headed back to the wilderness. His brothers started murmuring again and end up tying him up. He is there for a considerable time and he prays as follows:

But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in the, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound. -1 Nephi 7:17-

Now, to Nephi's credit, he does ask for deliverance (and it is granted), but he is also asking for strength to do it on his own. Or at least to appear so. The Lord has other plans.

And it came to pass that when I had said these words, behold the bands were loosed from off my hands and feet, and I stood before my brethren, and I spake unto them again. -1 Nephi 7:18-

Sometimes, I also have to let the Lord just deliver me. It is great when He can add to my own abilities to the point that I can accomplish it, but sometimes he just has to deliver me. Pure and simple. I have to be willing to accept that, as well as to ask for it. I also have to remember to do it.

In what ways can you learn to trust in God?
I think part of it is just practicing. I need to practice in moments when I am not struggling with the addiction. In moments when the decisions are easier, asking for help will help to recondition me to ask for it when things are not so easy. As we talked about in my last counseling session, I have a lot of conditioning toward the addiction. I need to practice in normal situations, so I will be able to do it in times of duress.

To humble yourself is a decisions you make. Satan may try to get you to believe that although God helped others, he won't help you because you are helpless and hopeless. Recognize this lie for what it is. In truth, you are a child of God. How can this knowledge help you humble yourself?
If I believe I am hopeless, then I also believe that God has lost hope in me. If I am a hopeless cause, then why would He help me anyway? It would just be a waste of His time. However, if I believe that I am a child of God it does two things. First, it makes me realize that I am not hopeless. That divine potential has a lot of worth. Even if I am in a really bad spot, the Lord can see that I have potential to be better and wants me to accomplish that. If I can see it, then I can feel like I am "worthy" of asking.

Second, it establishes His love for me. Yes, He abhors sin. The sin is not me, though. As His son, He is willing to look past that to help me. He cannot look past it in His judgment of whether I can have Eternal Life or not, but He can in whether He will assist. In fact, He is more than happy to look past my weaknesses and failings to lend a helping hand. If He does so, and I do my part, He won't have to pass that final judgment and that is a win-win situation.

Fasting and Prayer

They did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God. -Helaman 3:35-

This verse describes a people who yielded their hearts to God. How can fasting strengthen your ability to yield your heart to God and abstain from addiction?
Fasting is making a sacrifice to the Lord, as well as putting the will of God, and your desire to follow Him, above the needs of the flesh. The first part brings us blessings. As we sacrifice to the Lord, He will bless us in the ways we need. Blessings can always be helpful. The second part is important too. The addiction is my body and its perceived needs overcoming my spirit. When my spirit overcomes the flesh (as it is supposed to learn to do in this life), it gets stronger and does it more easily the next time. Fasting is practicing just that. Plus, fasting gives me a chance to think about why I need the help, as well as to pray for it. Every time I think of being hungry, it can remind me what I am seeking in the process.

Consider the importance of praying in the moment of temptation, and write about how prayer will strengthen your humility and your faith in Christ.
Praying in the moment is not something I have been good about practicing. It is something I am working on though and that I do employ, when I think about it. I hope that as time goes on and I think about, and employ, it more often, it will come to mind more often. The times that I have used prayer have been very helpful. Humming hymns and similar were helpful at one time, but that has petered off. I believe it is because they are a static defense, that my body can learn to do without much interference from the mind. Prayer, real prayer, is not that way. It takes concerted mental effort to truly pray, plus the act of prayer invites the Holy Spirit to be present.

How strong is your willingness to yield your heart to God instead of yielding to addiction in the moment of temptation?
I hope it is strong enough. Right now, I think it is fairly strong. I do know that it is not always that way. I need to keep it there though. That willingness is what is going to let me pray, instead of pursuing the destructive cycle. I like to think that I will stay willing. I think that is part of the importance of doing recovery daily, so that I can keep my heart in the right place.

Submitting to the Will of God

The burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. -Mosiah 24:15-
 
The Lord could have removed the burdens of Alma and his people; instead, He strengthened them to bear “their burdens with ease.” Notice that they did not complain but submitted cheerfully and patiently to the will of the Lord. Write about the humility it takes to want immediate relief and yet be willing to have a burden lightened gradually.
That would be really hard. I have a friend, who is facing some health trials and has been for the last year. It is so bad that he cannot really go to work. I puts in just enough time each month to stay licensed, but it wears him out for a couple of days afterwards. He is a marathon runner, although he is unable to pursue his passion, because of this chronic illness. Despite a multiplicity of tests, the doctors still have no idea what is wrong, yet he stays optimistic. Could the Lord have removed it from him? Yes. I am sure he has had multiple priesthood blessings over the last year and I feel that he has the faith necessary for the Lord to heal him, but it has not happened.

What humility! On both accounts. It is one thing for me to believe that God has put me where I am today, or better said placed me with the family He did and in the location, because it is the best possible chance for me to return to live with Him. It is another thing to turn to Him whenever I am having a hard time or need support. I struggle with this step currently, as I always want to do it on my own. Then, it is even another level to not lose hope when the desired relief is not forthcoming. When God tells me that I am better where I am and that I need o go with it, I do not feel grateful. Now, I may do it, but it is with a grudging attitude, which doesn't help me very much. It may still help others, depending on what they need, but I don't get the same blessings as if I had done it voluntarily. Yeah, that humility thing needs some work.

What does it mean to submit to God? How do you submit?
Well, I think it means accepting that what God has in plan for me is the best thing that can happen. Other plans I have, while possibly noble and worthwhile, are not as good. Submitting also means understanding that His will is different from mine. If I do not seek out His will and then accept it, I am just letting things happen. I should no assume that just because it happened, it is what the Lord wanted. Sometimes things just happen. Instead, I need to actively find out what He wants with/from me. Then, if it is contrary to what I want for me, I have to submit, or allow His will to have precedence over my own. Without that knowledge and decision, it is not submission.

To submit, I have to place His will above my own. When I find out that His will is different, I have to make the decision to follow His desired path instead. Then, I have to actually do it. Half-hearted effort doesn't count either. To truly submit to the Lords will, I need to go at it with gusto. As it says, they did submit cheerfully. If I am doing something cheerfully, I don't half-heartedly go about the task. I tackle it head-on, finding ways to do it more efficiently and effectively. I have things I like to do, hobbies is a good word. When I am engrossed in a hobby, I take to it with gusto. I spend every spare minute (I can) researching, or developing the hobby at hand. That is how I need to be. I want to be healed, but if it is my duty to carry this the rest of my life (which is what will happen with an addiction without miraculous healing), I need to accept that and work at it full force.

How do you feel about submitting willingly and with patience to the Lord’s timetable of change?
I'm doing better. I still have a ways to go, but I think I am doing better. My wife can tell you that it wasn't too long ago I was saying, "I never want to relapse." Now, I still don't want to slip-up. It is still something very scary and I wonder how bad it will be next time, but I am now working on putting a plan in place. I also know that it will probably happen again. (That was still hard to write.) The important part is that I still move in the right direction. So, I think the patience is coming better.

The Lord's timetable could still be hard. I don't like the idea of being held back from progressing, even by my Heavenly Father. I do have to remember that if He is holding me back, it is for my benefit. Maybe I am rushing forward too quickly and not really recovering, or maybe it is for somebody else's benefit. I don't know. I just need to work on coming to accept that whatever rate He allows me to progress is the rate that is best for me. Period. End of story.

How can you gain the courage to keep trying until you are free of your burdens?
I think courage is going to come with knowledge and trust in God's plan, especially his plan for me. As my knowledge in the gospel, especially the principles applicable to addiction recovery, I will better come to realize that His will and plan really is best for me. Knowledge leads to strength. I have written previously that I believe the fear of the unknown to be one of my greatest and most debilitating of fears. As I reduce the unknown, I am better able to overcome it.

Now, I also understand that courage is not about a lack of fear. It is about facing the fear, even though it is there. Sadly, I think that fear is often portrayed as ignoring the fear. I think that is a way to overcome fear, but I think that is not courage. Courage is recognizing and accepting the fear, but going ahead and doing the thing anyway. As such, in order to have the courage to keep trying, I need to realize what fears I am facing, come to realize that they may not go away (although they could if the Lord knew it was best for me), and go forth with faith anyway.

As I go forward cheerfully, full of faith and courage, the Lord will lighten my burdens, even if he doesn't take them away. Just like the pioneers, who had to make the journey, but received help along the way. Now, this may seem silly, but I see no reason the Lord could not have transported them to the Salt Lake Valley, should He have chose to do so. He didn't though. Instead, He helped them bear up their burdens, so they could accomplish the task. He can do that for me too.

Counseling

So, I went to my first session of counseling yesterday. One of the first things she asked is if I have ever been before, to which I said "no". I also told her that the only thing I knew I had seen places like What About Bob. She laughed and said that it would be nothing like that.

To begin with, we went over my history (briefly), then we started talking about what counseling was for (giving me skills) and what addiction is. We talked about it no being a bad habit, but a sickness. Brain damage. Whenever I think of that, I think of Bill Cosby, but I digress. We also talked about emotions and the expressing of them and how I am a volcano waiting to explode, if I don't.

Overall, the session was great. Of course, as I expected, I got homework. Three things.

1. Find a sponsor
2. Develop a Relapse Protection Plan
3. Journal my feelings

The first one is going to be hard. I would like to get one who has dealt with sexual addiction. My therapist also said that would be useful. The problem is that I have only begun attending an addiction support group again, and it is a General Addiction Support Group at that. I am the only one there that is a sexual addict. I have not yet gone to the one I plan to attend on Tuesday nights, but I would guess it would be the same way there. So, I am going to have to use other sources. This is one of those. If anybody has any ideas, please comment below, or you can email me at ishmobile at gmail dot com.

The second one is one that I had not heard of before. Maybe you have, but here are the main elements she said need to be in there. First, it needs to include how I will voice the slip-up/relapse. Second, it needs to say what I need from my support person (my wife, my sponsor or my therapist). Third, it needs to talk about how we (my support person and I) will go about learning from the experience. I need to make three, one for my wife, one for my therapist and one for my sponsor. We are going to work on the last two next Friday, but I need to get the one done for my wife and start on the one for my therapist.

The third one seems to me like it is going to be the easiest of the three, but I may find that it is not. I am not very good at journaling in general and am not very good at writing my feelings, but we'll see. She did say I could use this blog for that, if I want, but I do not know if that is as useful, as this isn't something I can write in all the time. I will have to think about it a little more, but I think it is going to be a paper journal.

Anyway, it wasn't near as scary as I thought. Of course, I am realizing that I suffer from a lot more anxiety than I originally thought. Fear of the unknown is the worst and this falls under that category.

Random Stuff

So, a few things happened yesterday. I also learned a few things too. Where to start?

I attended a support group last night. Let me clarify. Almost four weeks ago now I attended the first support group I had in 2 1/2 years and the first PASG group in three. In the little town of Blanding, there is no PASG. All they have are a couple of General Addiction Support Groups. Four weeks ago, I learned there is a call-in group I could attend. It is based out of Snowflake, Arizona and makes use of a service called Meeting Place to allow people like me, who are so far from anywhere, to attend something they would not otherwise be able to do. It was great.

Well, in the three weeks since then, as I tried to attend, it hasn't worked. I have been unable to call in. It was a bummer. As such, I have decided to avoid the local general groups and the call-in PASG group is a bonus. And groups is not a mistype. There are two here, one Tuesday and one Thursday and I have decided to strive for both. I do realize that things will come up and that I won't always get to attend both, but I will try.

Secondly, I am going to my first professional counseling session today. I got a hold of the therapist yesterday, which was much easier than I could have been, since they work at the same clinic I do, and setup an appointment for today. Talk about a hard email. I definitely have some anxiety, but take comfort in the hope that it will be a good thing. The only possible problem is that it is the same therapist my wife is going to (as of last week), so we hope there will be no conflict of interests. If there is, I can always go to a different one. Time will tell.

Thirdly, I didn't have to sleep on the couch last night. My wife felt safe enough that I could sleep next to her. This is the first time since my relapse on Saturday night (which I will also address shortly). It was great to know that, at least last night, there was enough trust for that to happen. We shall see how things go in the future and if I mess them up again, but last night was better than they have been for the last few days.

Fourthly, I learned that what happened Saturday night was a slip up, not a relapse. I am still learning the terms, but last night as my wife and I were talking about what she has learned in her recovery, she read some stuff from the Healing Through Christ manual. It talked about a slip up being a mistake that was immediately followed by a return to recovery, whereas a relapse is an abandonment of recovery and returning to previous behaviors. So, I guess I need to not refer to it as a relapse. Not to minimize what I did, but to define it so that both others and I can understand what is going on better.

Anyway, I feel better today than I did yesterday morning. I hope that trend continues.

~Sean~

In Harmony with the Will of God

Reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved. -2 Nephi 10:24

Consider what it means to live your life in harmony with the will of God. Think about how His enabling power can come into your life as you turn to Him. How do you feel about letting God direct your life?
In theory, I think it is a great idea. He has more knowledge and foresight than I do, so why wouldn't I want him to? In reality though, it is a lot harder than that. I like having my autonomy. Don't get me wrong, in most things I try to choose in harmony with his commandments anyway. In fact, the biggest place I don't is in my addiction. I continue and study, to try to get all of my actions in better harmony. Even things like my parenting practices, although I have a long way to go there.

I guess there is nothing that should keep me from letting him. I also know (in my head) that as I sacrifice my will to him, I actually get more agency. I guess I need to put that into practice, so I can get a testimony of it.

What prevents you from allowing Him to direct your life?
The freedom I have. Which is silly, because my addiction takes away a lot more of my agency than God ever would. Still, I am not very good at following promptings. There was a time I was better, but I tend to think they are just my own thoughts and do a pretty good job at ignoring them. I also need to write down and review the inspirations I receive in meetings. I do write down things I get from conference, but I rarely go back to review them to see what I can get from them to implement into my daily life.

I also need to set some specific goals that will help me to remember to seek his will in my life. Maybe it can be something like praying every hour, which time period I decrease later to work toward a goal of "praying always." In that prayer, I could seek his will, because it is hard to let him direct my life, if I don't know what his will is for me. I will have to look at it some more today, although I am out of time for right now.

~Sean~

Sacrament Covenants

Attend sacrament meeting; review and renew baptismal covenants

At first, when I read this action step, I kind of glanced over it, because I am already allowed to partake of the sacrament. Then, this morning, I read back over it and picked out a bit I had not before: As you worship, listen carefully to the sacrament prayers and consider the gifts that Heavenly Father offers you. It's interesting that it didn't stand out on the first pass. I say "first pass" liberally, since this isn't my first time going through this step. Still, this time, it didn't stand out the first time through.

I do better at this sometimes, but often I just get into taking the sacrament because that is what I do. I try to think of Christ, but that is as far as I take it. I need to work on thinking about Christ and his Atonement, as well as the reasons I need it so badly in my life. I know everybody makes mistakes and needs the Atonement, but I need it too.

I need to get forgiveness for my mistakes. Sadly, this is a place where I often don't employ it. Yeah, I think about it for the big things, like when I relapse, but often fail to think about it for the "little" mistakes I make. I do them often. I get mad at (and yell at) the kids. I waste time at work. I talk badly about others and their choices. The list goes on. I rarely think about these things when it comes to repentance though. Maybe, it is because they seem so small compared to a sexual addiction that I don't think about them. I wonder though, if I repent of the little things, will it help we stay clear of the big things.

I also need the Atonement for the strength to get through the day. Sadly, especially as I look through the list of things in the previous paragraph, I need the Atonement a lot more here. If I turn to it, as I should, it will give me the strength I need to overcome the triggers in the moment. That means I won't have to go back and repent of it after the fact. That is a lot more effective and proactive way to use the Atonement, if I will just get used to using it that way. That is a much better habit.

~Sean~

Trust in God

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. -Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Neibur-

I have decided, despite my recent relapse, to go ahead and move onto Step 3. I think it is important to realize that it is not like I am abandoning the things I learned in the first two steps. Instead, I am just adding more to the mix. Which is a little overwhelming. I read a blog post recently, where it talked about a man in recovery, who went to group daily and saw a therapist every week. A thought I had was that I have no idea how he fit all of that in. I try to contain my work load within 40 hours a week and commute 45min. each way many days. I also get up at about five (more like 5:15) in the mornings, so I can work on my recovery. Still, I don't have a whole lot of time to get the things I need done (like split the mountain of wood that I feel like I am only whittling away at).

Now, the man, who was spending so much time, actually gave up in the end. He divorced his wife and went on to embrace the addiction, partially because of some faulty advice from a therapist. I also think it was overwhelming in the end. Which is why I think trusting in God is an important step.

I want to do everything myself. I hate asking for help. The only person I can ask for help from on a regular basis is my dad and I often feel like I am wearing him out. Instead, I want to be self-sufficient. I am an able-bodied man, who has the training and ability to take care of his family. As such, I don't feel like I need to ask for help from others. As Red Fraggle says: "I can do it on my own."

Sadly, as I have proved time and time again, I cannot overcome this addiction on my own. I just can't. I can be sober for a while, but I cannot recover. Now, I just need to learn to differentiate what I can do and what I cannot.  In Step 3, it says: "although you cannot control the choices and actions of others, you can decide how you will act in each situation you face." Later it says, "You may not be able to change some things in your life, but you can change your willingness to trust in God and obey him."

I can control the situations I put myself in, even if I cannot always control what happens there. I can control where I go online, even if I cannot control what advertisements are shown in the sidebar. I can control what I do if triggering ads appear. etc.

I can also think of scenarios and decide what I will do. I remember when I was younger, getting told to decide then what would happen if I was offered cigarettes or alcohol. I did. When the time came and I was offered a beer, I said, "No." He tried to tell me that it was okay. That nobody cared that I was underage and I stuck to my guns. I wasn't rude, but I told him that I didn't want any. He never offered again. Later, there were other opportunities and I held to my standards.

I need to do what I can in that arena, when it comes to pornography. It can help; however, I also need to realize that I cannot think of everything. I will miss some. I will have to rely on the Lord. Also, there are going to be times that I am tempted when I am weak. Thus, I need to turn to the Lord. I remember reading that singing a Hymn (or humming or thinking of the words) is not always a good choice,  because it looses effectiveness and can even become a trigger over time. A heartfelt prayer on the other hand, is a great coping mechanism. If I am truly communicating with my Heavenly Father and turning my will over to him, it will help me get out of the sticky situation. As I turn my will over to his, he will help me out.

~Sean~

Clearing Counters

I relapsed the night before last.

Man, how hard is that to type? I had been doing so well, or so I thought. My last date of reckoning was June 19th, which gave me 5 months. 23 weeks. 163 days. (No, that is not 5 months, twenty-three weeks and 163 days summed).

Today? 0 months. 0 weeks. 1 day.

I've known that relapse is a possibility and that many people do so during recovery, but I had hoped I was done. Relapsing is not recovery. It is actually stepping away from recovery. If I step back in, I can begin again, but it is not necessary to relapse to recover.

In the process, I hurt my wife and destroyed her trust again. Again! I keep wondering how much I can hurt her before she decides it is too much. And neither of us knows.

Anyway, I am working to pick up the pieces now and continue the recovery.

~Sean~