Attend sacrament meeting; review and renew baptismal covenants
At first, when I read this action step, I kind of glanced over it, because I am already allowed to partake of the sacrament. Then, this morning, I read back over it and picked out a bit I had not before: As you worship, listen carefully to the sacrament prayers and consider the gifts that Heavenly Father offers you. It's interesting that it didn't stand out on the first pass. I say "first pass" liberally, since this isn't my first time going through this step. Still, this time, it didn't stand out the first time through.
I do better at this sometimes, but often I just get into taking the sacrament because that is what I do. I try to think of Christ, but that is as far as I take it. I need to work on thinking about Christ and his Atonement, as well as the reasons I need it so badly in my life. I know everybody makes mistakes and needs the Atonement, but I need it too.
I need to get forgiveness for my mistakes. Sadly, this is a place where I often don't employ it. Yeah, I think about it for the big things, like when I relapse, but often fail to think about it for the "little" mistakes I make. I do them often. I get mad at (and yell at) the kids. I waste time at work. I talk badly about others and their choices. The list goes on. I rarely think about these things when it comes to repentance though. Maybe, it is because they seem so small compared to a sexual addiction that I don't think about them. I wonder though, if I repent of the little things, will it help we stay clear of the big things.
I also need the Atonement for the strength to get through the day. Sadly, especially as I look through the list of things in the previous paragraph, I need the Atonement a lot more here. If I turn to it, as I should, it will give me the strength I need to overcome the triggers in the moment. That means I won't have to go back and repent of it after the fact. That is a lot more effective and proactive way to use the Atonement, if I will just get used to using it that way. That is a much better habit.
~Sean~
Hey Sean, I've been reading your posts and following where you are at. Sorry about that last relapse. Fantastic on blogging about it and clearing it up while it was fresh and painful. We live/die on the emotional level with this addiction.
ReplyDeletejust curious, you doing LDS 12-step meetings? You ever tried SA? In Salt Lake there are some really really good meetings. Working the steps with a sponsor has been the ONLY way i've been able to enjoy really good sobriety. Just a thought.
And yes, we need the atonement so much. Every moment of our day.
I am trying to do LDS 12-step meetings. I started attending a call-in meeting, because I am so remote that there are no PASG meetings close. I have been unable to connect to them for the last three weeks though. I am looking at attending our General Addiction Recovery Meeting tomorrow. I think I will focus on attending them and have the call-in one a bonus, when it works out.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure what "SA" is. Maybe, it should ring a bell, but it doesn't. Salt Lake is about 5 1/2 hours away though. I still need to get a sponsor, but haven't been seriously looking yet.